Why Am I always Sick?!

Don't get me wrong, I love living in Portland. It's absolutely beautiful, there are lots of fun things to do, amazing restaurants and I have made some incredible friends since moving here. However, I am furious.... I have been sick an extraordinary amount of times since moving here. Every time there is a wave of sickness that comes through town, I catch it as well as a few extra bouts of my own in between. It is beyond frustrating. Right now I am battling two weeks of bronchitis, now going into week three. And to top it off, last night Darin got a fever, muscle aches and sore throat. Sounds like the beginning of a nasty flu for him (and probably for me too given a few days). I did a 5-day round of antibiotics this week. At the end of which, I only started coughing more... I'm not really sure what that means but I am not happy about it.

Needless to say, we are playing hookie and ditching church today. So here I am coughing and head pounding, Darin is sleeping on the couch and Macy is probably taking a nap under our bed. Soon she will wake up wanting to play and be entertained. 

As for updates, not much new has been going on. Darin goes to school while Macy and I go to work. Yes, I get to bring my dog to work with me and I love it :). Last weekend Darin broke his finger in an accident that involved two bowling balls and faulty equipment. That meant a midnight visit to the ER last Friday night. Luckily we were only there for about an hour and his finger wasn't completely crushed like I was expecting it to be.

Maybe I will go join my people and take a nap as well. But I am not a nap-taking kind of person so I will probably just end up folding laundry on my bed... I hope you enjoyed attending my pity party. It's over now, time to get back to real life. 

<3

Just a cute picture of Macy I took recently

The busted index finger on his left hand

The top view of his finger

Two Zoolander References in One Day?

Well it has been a couple weeks since my last post but I am back! It has been a busy couple of weeks and I am happy to be in to the new year! I will just do a quick little re-cap. We aren't super interesting people with really awesome lives, but we have made a nice little life for ourselves and I am grateful.

Darin has been on a two week break from school and is heading back to start his 6th quarter tomorrow. I can't believe we are already five quarters in! I have been working and Darin has been skiing (of course!). Christmas was low key and fun! I made crepes for Christmas breakfast. Crepes have become a Christmas tradition for us over the last few years and we both love it! We had a Christmas dinner with two other couples that don't have family around Portland and didn't travel so that was a lot of fun to spend Christmas with our friends. Darin completely spoiled me with a really special present this year. He seriously NEVER spends money on unnecessary things so I felt pretty great. I think he loves me a little bit ;-).

New Year's Eve was fairly simple. Sometimes I feel like such an old lady! We just had some friends over and ate pizza, played some games and then went to bed by 10:30. I went to work on New Year's Day so I wasn't too keen on staying up all night for no reason. I know, I am super boring! Maybe when we have more money, we will do some fun stuff for New Year's!

Macy had her six week check-up on Friday  and the x-rays/doctor said that she is doing great. She won't be seen by the surgeon again, so it is up to us to increase her activity and build up her strength. I am so happy that we can now start playing with her more and letting her have a little more fun while she gets stronger!

Yesterday, Darin and I had a little date and went up to the mountain. We left Macy with some friends who have a new puppy and we headed out to go skiing. He has been pestering me about going but the snow has been terrible and I didn't want spend the money on crappy snow. But we finally went and it was a little icy in places, but overall was not too bad. I was in a really good mood (a rare occasion) and kept messing with him and managed to make two Zoolander references within the first hour we were there. He turned to me and said "Two Zoolander refences in one day? I'm impressed!" I guess I quote movies when I am happy! We stopped for dinner at Calamity Jane's which is a super popular burger place out here. I was so much fun to have a nice little day-date with my honey! <3

I am super excited about the new year, I think this year will be a good one for us, 2013 was rough for me. I have only made one resolution and so far, and I have been doing great. My resolution is to keep my bras that I am not currently wearing hung up in my closet. I know, it sounds ridiculous but I have never been the person who makes tons of resolutions, I have never felt the need. However, my closet floor is always littered with bras so on New Year's Eve, I hung them all up and they have stayed that way for five whole days. *pat on the back* I am very proud of myself. Don't judge me.

I hope you all have made super meaningful resolutions, and are becoming better people because I certainly am (insert sarcasm). But I do hope that 2014 brings great things for all of us! Love you all!

Goodbyes.... SUCK!

This week has been extra fun and busy! One thing I love about Christmas time is that I always seem to have lots of fun things to do mixed in with lots of the normal, busy stuff!

Macy and Girl's Night
Monday was officially crazy. After work, I jetted to the other side of Portland for Macy's two-week appointment with the surgeon. Dr. Kramer says that she is doing great and healing nicely! Such great news for us. She will have another check-up at 6 weeks with an x-ray to make sure the plate, screws and bones are where they need to be! After the appointment, I hurried back home for a quick Mac & Cheese dinner with Darin before heading out again for Girl's Night with all my friends. We always go to Applebee's, squeeze into our corner booth, share some appetizers and desserts and stay till they kick us out! There are few things better than recharging and hanging out with my girls! <3

Don't mind our crazy faces!

White Elephant
I am part of the committee at church that is in charge of planning activities. This month's activity happened to fall on Tuesday this week so I rushed home from work to get things ready. We had planned a dinner for the ladies to bring a favorite soup or dessert to share. We also had a White Elephant gift exchange and who doesn't love having a good laugh? Of course, I came down with a cold Tuesday morning so I didn't enjoy it very much... Mercifully, my cold only lasted about a day and a half. I swear, I am constantly sick since moving to Portland!

Date Night!
Wednesday was the night of my hot date with Kira! She decided to be pure evil and move away, so we planned a dinner out for just the two of us! We were planning to go to Red Robin (yum!) but I saw a sign for Olive Garden on the way home from work, and it was like divine intervention. I love me some Olive Garden! Kira is my best friend and I love her to PIECES!! We have only been friends for a short while, but we really are kindred spirits. I am so happy for her and Tim, they get to move on to bigger and better things. They really do deserve it! I just want to be selfish and keep her to myself. No one in Salmon, ID will love her like I do!

Soul Mates <3

Graduations and Starbucks
Kira's husband, Tim just graduated from Chiropractic school (yes the same one that Darin is attending). He has been treating me for the last few months at the school clinic and he is an excellent doctor! Thursday night, Kira planned a little graduation party for him with cake, balloons and all their moving boxes. It was so cool to see him all finished with school and moving on to practicing as a real doctor! After cake and congratulations, I headed out for a mini-girls night with my Chiro Trio! A few months back, Kira, Krystal and I started doing occasional Starbucks runs late at night. And of course, we had to go one last time before Kira moved! Kira got the three of us matching bracelets. I love these girls so much! I really have made some of the best friends since moving to Portland. <3

Best Friends for Eternity!

Never Live on the Third Floor on Friday the 13th
I have never been one to give much credit to Friday the 13th, but man this was a good one. My car broke down on the way to work. But luckily, I was almost there and was able to make it all the way. I had to call Darin and have him drive out and figure out what was wrong with it. A really LONG story short, we had to get it towed to a shop to get the water pump replaced (hopefully that is all they have to do). After work, we went to help Kira pack up the moving truck and all that goes with that. But did I mention, she lives on the third floor? Ugh! I'll keep my first floor apartment, thank you!

Third Floor Again??
Saturday was a little bit more restful... just a little. I got some laundry done and started my crockpot dinner before heading over to Kira's one last time! We went over to say our final goodbyes and I certainly did cry. (Kira cried first!!) I hated having to say goodbye to her little girls, they are so sweet and so crazy and so much fun! I love them to pieces too! Then I had to so my goodbyes to Kira. She really is my best friend I will miss her like crazy! Her family is so special to me. After pulling myself together, we walked over to another third floor apartment. My friend Ashley just moved into our complex so we helped them unpack their moving truck up to the third floor. We had a late pizza lunch with Ashley and Krystal's families and Macy got to play with Krystal's kids. Darin and I ran some errands: the bank, Kohl's, gym, WalMart and back home. Queue a late dinner with Ashley and Josh. I had made some Turkey and Dumplings from the Thanksgiving leftovers and I figured that they would be too busy unpacking to both with a nice dinner. Then Darin and I ended our busy week by watching the first Hobbit movie all snuggled up on the couch. <3

Free Bread Machine
Kira gave me her old bread machine before she left, so I cleaned it up today after church and tried it out. We now have a nice loaf of wheat bread after I scoured the internet for an instruction manual. I am excited to put my new-old bread machine to good use. Dr. Darin did some practicing by taking my vitals and checking me for problems. This coming week is finals so he has been studying A LOT! I finished out my day making some Chocolate/Hazelnut Thumbprint cookies and watching the Biggest Loser with Darin! (Did you catch the irony?? Yes.)

Sorry for the super long post, it has been a VERY busy week! Till next time!!

Happy December!!

For a while now, I have been thinking of doing a weekly blog. Just a quick little thing to keep people (mostly just my mom) in the loop of what is going on out here in Oregon. But let's give it a try and see how I do. I'd bet anyone that this doesn't last but who knows, maybe it will. 

This week has been pretty simple. Macy had surgery two weeks ago. She tore her ACL a while back and we finally decided to get it fixed. It has been a long two weeks and we still have four more to go. She has an appointment for a recheck on Monday so we will see how she is doing and find out if I have been doing a good job in her rehab!

After work on Friday we decided to get our Christmas tree. It as been freezing cold lately and we all about died at this U-Cut Christmas tree place. We went with some friends and their two kids were frozen solid! But on the bring side, we got a $5 Christmas tree, hot chocolate and cotton candy. Friday night was spent decorating the tree and the apartment, so it officially feels like Christmas!

Darin hit the mountain on Saturday, of course. My life as a ski widow has officially begun and I won't have my husband back until March or April. On the bright side, I got some good cleaning done on Saturday and made a cheesecake. :) I haven't eaten it yet but I am definitely looking forward to it! Saturday night was the Christmas party at church. It was great food, with fun skits and presentations. It was a Whoville themed so everyone was in their jammies and all the kids had a blast!

Today we had a group dinner with a bunch of friends. We love getting together for dinner's like this since most of us don't have family nearby. Everyone brings a piece of the dinner and it all comes together. Right now, Darin is sleeping on the couch. He hasn't been feeling well today so it is good that he is having a little cat nap. It is getting close to finals for him so there will be lots of studying to do soon.

Well that about sums up this past week. I have lots of things on my calendar this coming week. It is going to be a pretty terrible week though since Kira is moving.... Kira is the best and I don't want her to leave me!!! :( I am hoping to make some Christmas treats this weekend. I love making treats this time of year!! Merry Christmas!! <3

After The Breaking Point

All I have to say is, thank you. Thank you to those of you who have shared your love, stories and encouragement. I am overwhelmed by the number of people who have reached out to me since my last post. I have never felt this much love and support. It saddens me to know that so many of you have trials like mine, but your faith and wisdom has lifted me up. I am truly blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. I have no doubt that the Lord saved certain special people for this point in my life. He sent them into my life to guide me, love me and lift me up. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

So again, all I have to say to you is Thank You.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

The Breaking Point

I wrote this about a week ago and decided to sit on it for a little while. I wrote it for my benefit and doing so has helped me immensely, but now its time to share it with you. So here it goes:

Life is full to the brim with morals to stories. Everyone focuses on what they learned from their trials and they always share those lessons after the fact. They are always uplifting and give hope and faith to those who listen.  Right now, you are going to hear a story that has no moral. The story hasn’t found its end yet.

It is my story.

It starts five years ago when I married Darin. Oh my heavens, did I love that boy! And I have grown to love him more every single day. Don’t get me wrong, there were days I didn’t want to love him. We have struggled with our relationship and keeping it afloat. But here we are, five years later and I love him more than ever. He is the best person for me to share my life with.

But this story isn’t about us as a couple, it is about us as a family. Our little family of two (plus a dog). I was 19 when we got married and everyone asked us if we would have kids right away. I used to joke that even though I was married, I didn’t want to be a teen mother. So we waited. We spent our first 1 ½ years in Rexburg, ID. I graduated from cosmetology school and he got his freshman and sophomore years of college done. Then we moved on to Provo, UT for Darin to finish his Bachelor’s. Shortly after moving to Provo the time came. With a lot of coercion from me, the goalie was fired and we dropped ourselves into the “We are trying!” category. We weren’t going crazy with trying to get pregnant as soon as possible. Darin was still pretty scared and it was nerve racking for both of us. We decided to just let nature do its thing. Months passed and I had a brief encounter with a hemorrhagic cyst on one of my ovaries. It was nothing to be concerned about, I was told it would go away and that it wouldn't leave any damage.

Then we came to the one year mark. The dreaded YEAR. The goalie had been fired a year prior and there was nothing new. 

Then two years passed…

 and then three.

Three years of my life have been spent in this constant state of wondering. I know some of you might be wondering, have we been tested? What have we done to improve our chances? Testing is a lot of money and Darin has no insurance. And for those of you who have had issues with getting pregnant know, scheduled sex is about the least sexy thing to think about. However, we have just started on the scary path of being tested. (So far, so good)

A month hasn’t passed when I haven’t been sad. Somehow I have always remained hopeful and I hate it. Part of me wishes that I could just let go and not care. It would be easier than dealing with this kind of pain. But here I am every month, just as hopeful as the month before. And I am always disappointed.

People always say that it will happen when you stop worrying about it. This is my response:  I can’t stop, I can’t let it go. I wish with all my heart that I could let it go. But I want to have children. I have this pit in my stomach that knows MY children are up in heaven waiting to come to us. There is a part of my heart that they are holding. I won’t be complete until I can hold my babies in my arms.

Today was the breaking point that has been a week in the making. I haven’t been sleeping and I can’t get it out of my mind. And I am sitting here with my head literally spinning. I can barely sit in my chair for fear of falling out of it. I am dizzy, I am crying and I feel utterly empty.

This is the breaking point.

I am sick and tired to pretending that I am fine. I am not fine.

I am sick and tired of acting like it doesn't matter. It matters to me.

I am sick and tired of being hopeful. I am hopeful.

I am sick of shoving my pain deep down inside because I know that there are people in this world who have bigger trials than me. I have always put it away and never dealt with it. But I don’t know how to deal with it. Maybe sharing it with you will help me deal with it.

I am ashamed, and I don’t know why.

I so desperately want to be a mother.

So there it is. There is no moral to this story. It is just the story of me reaching my breaking point.

I am broken.

However, there are a few things I can be certain of. I have the love of an amazing, supportive husband. I have the love of my wonderful family. I have incredible friends who have been an unwavering strength to me (even though most of them don’t know this part of my story). I also have the best dog in the world. She is so intuitive and (as anyone who has met her can attest) she is sweeter than pie. She has been my constant companion.

But most importantly, I have the love of my Savior. He is the only one who truly knows my struggles and knows how I feel. No matter how broken I am, I always feel His love for me.

If there is any moral to this story, it isn't for me. It is for you. Here is your take-away: Never, ever ask someone if/when/how they will have children. Don’t ask when their next kid is coming. Don’t ask why they don’t have one yet. Don’t ask them why they don’t have more. Don’t ask them anything about their plans for children. It is absolutely NONE of your business. There are some people who are completely open and some who are not. Let them dictate when and what they share. Asking them before they are ready to share could make them a liar. And I have lied to people. I have said that we aren't trying, that we aren't sure when we will have kids, or that we want to wait. It was my choice to lie. But I beg of you, don’t put them in that place where they have to choose between lying or telling you before they are ready. And if you know someone in this kind of situation, don't tell them "Oh, I'm sure you will have kids!" You aren't sure, you don't know. 

But now that this is out in the open, please don't be afraid to talk to me. I am a fairly open book in most respects. I think I am afraid that people will treat me differently or tread lightly on the topic of children. I once had had a friend apologize to me because she was pregnant (no joke). I am always happy when my amazing friends have babies. Children are a wonderful blessing. I will have my chance to be a mother one way or another. 

God never promised any of us that our faith and righteousness will keep us free from trials. He promised us that through our righteousness and through our Savior, we will have happiness beyond comprehension. 

Just a some pictures from our 5th Anniversary in August

What's New in the Life of Him, Her and the Dog??

Well it has been an awful long time since my last post which practically makes me the worst blogger EVER! Life has been so crazy and we have been up to so many different things that I hardly have a second to myself to even think about blogging! And if I do end up with a minute to spare, it's usually spent on the couch with Goldfish or some other snack and a disc of Friends. (If you don't know me at all, then you don't know how much I LOVE the TV show Friends!) But I have a few minutes to spare today, Darin and Macy are both asleep on the couch. After church we came home and I made lunch followed shortly by a little adventure around this pond/lake thing in the woods by Target. However, there is a sink full of dirty dishes that are trying to guilt trip me. But do not despair, I am committed to recapping the events of the last month!

So after our hike to Muddy Fork, which is chronicled in my last post, we took a little trip to California to visit my family. It was a last minute trip but super fun! We got to spend time with my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, my niece Evie and my nephew Aaron. We also got to see some of my extended family which is always awesome! Also, I met up with my high school friend Rachele and her husband for some fro-yo. I can't believe it has been over 6 years since I have seen most of my high school friends! I didn't get a picture of me and Rachele, I can't believe I forgot! But here are some of the pictures I did manage to take on our trip!

View of Crater Lake from the plane on our way to Sac-Town

Darin and Aaron

Aaron and Grandpa

Darin and me at a River Cats game

Darin in his cute pink life jacket

Aaron and Grandma

Aaron and his Tia :) I love this boy!

Me and Aaron on the Tube

 We came home from Sacramento on the evening of the 4th of July. So we hurried home and then took off again to find somewhere to watch the fireworks. We managed to find a good spot near a high school that is famous around here for putting on a good show. Macy is surprisingly well behaved when it comes to fireworks so she got to tag along and cuddle up on our blanket!

Waiting for the show to start!

That same weekend we made plans with some friends to hit up Ski Bowl. It's a smaller ski resort in the area but in the summer they have some awesome activities. We found a Groupon for half-day admission so we took full advantage of that! They have an Alpine Slide (SO FUN!), rock wall, mini golf and all kinds of other fun things to do!

Darin and me on the lift at Ski Bowl with Mt Hood in the background

Alex and me waiting for the rock wall

The next fun thing we did was a trip to the beach! Some of Darin's school friends had been talking about going surfing and Darin really wanted to try it out. I surprised him and got a hotel for us so we could stay the night before surfing and have a nice, relaxing weekend by the ocean. We drove out to Seaside on Friday afternoon, went to the beach for an evening stroll, got fish and chips and just relaxed. The next morning we got up early to go rent Darin's wetsuit and surfboard then drove down to Short Sand Beach, which is known as a pretty good spot to surf! We invited some other friends too so we ended up as a pretty big group at the beach. Macy got to chase seagulls, run in the water, play with some kids and other dogs. She was so tired but she couldn't stop playing, it was just too much fun! Then after a long day at the beach, we took some friends and got pizza in Cannon Beach.

Here is Macy perched up in the window at the hotel

At the beach with Macy digging a hole

One of Darin's friends decided to help Macy dig!

One happy, tired and sandy puppy!

Heading out to hit the waves

Macy wanted to go out surfing with Daddy!

Darin found a crab out in the water

Darin paddling!

Macy and Darin playing the freezing water!

Crazy Macy!

Darin and his 9 1/2 foot board

Family Picture!

I hoped you enjoyed the little recap of the past month. We have been so lucky to be able to get out and do so much! Summer is such a fun time of year and we are loving our first summer here in Portland. Up next for us: Our 5th wedding anniversary (yep, FIVE!!), we might be going camping, Labor Day festivities, and who knows what else! Until next time, Cheers!